I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
