I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
