I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
