he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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