you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
