In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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