I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
