OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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