My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
