So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
