I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
