Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
