Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
