I will die if light touches me.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
