Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
