Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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