You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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