Sry I called you an 8
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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