She's JV to your varsity
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
