Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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