1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
