Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
