i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
