C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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