ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
look no pants
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
