ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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