I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
