guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize