considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
