all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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