I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
