oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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