The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
