you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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