2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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