Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
