Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
