somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
