Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
