yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
