dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Pooping to opera.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
