i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
