I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
