I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
