yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
