i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
