im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
