Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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