My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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