I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
