Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
