Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
