ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
