she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
