Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
