Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
