im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
