You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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