Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
