sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
