you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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