wanna go halves on a baby?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
