just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
