I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Welp...herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
