i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
