it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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